Looking for Mr. Valentine

I wrote this shortly after my husband returned from Iraq in 2010, hoping it might be our last Valentine's day spent apart. No such luck. So this one's for all my girlfriends who are spending tomorrow without their Hero. (Because it's NEVER been about candy hearts or flowers...)

IT’s baaack...!!! It’s Valentine’s Day!! And would someone please tell me how this particular holiday, out of so many others, strikes fear and loathing in the hearts of those it’s meant to celebrate? Specifically, mine and my husband’s? Not to malign my sweet husband, but, it’s almost always a nightmare of epic proportion in our home! It’s not because we’re not romantic, or sentimental, because we are. It’s just that we rarely ever get it right. And no wonder, given the pressure of all the commercial hype so brazenly displayed beginning December 26th! (C’mon now, you saw those heart-shaped-chocolate-candy-filled-boxes stored above the Christmas gift wrap clearance shelves!) Seriously, could anything or anyone ever meet, much less exceed our expectations, given that kind of demand to express LOVE to your one and only?

And it’s not because we don’t try either, because we do. For example, on one long ago, Valentine’s Day, while we were dating, I received THREE dozen red roses! Unfortunately, NONE of them were from HIM. So when he showed up at my door with a big smile and a bouquet of flowers, he was crushed and I was embarrassed (not to mention, BUSTED!) And once, after we married, his parents visited us during THAT weekend! We didn’t really have plans, but I wasn’t happy about the visit and when he admitted that he hadn’t planned anything special either, I was inconsolable! Although he did say, “I was going to do something on Monday, after they left.” He could’ve said anything and it wouldn't have mattered, because, MONDAY would NOT be VALENTINE’S DAY, the magic of THAT day would be gone. Ergo, he had failed and I wasn’t forgiving! Years later, I would just tell him not to worry about it and not do anything special and then be heartbroken when he did exactly what I told him to do...NOTHING.

It eventually became a running joke between us,”How bad can it possibly be THIS year? We’d laugh, “Yep, 15 year marriage ENDS in the parking lot of Denny’s!” Ha HA HA...uh, NOT.
Secretly, I wished, just ONCE, he would completely blow my mind with an undeniable testimony of his unfaltering love pour moi. Alas, it was just not meant to be. I believe we finally just gave up. We were officially “over it”.

That’s when I realized that the most amazing things had been happening all along! That Valentine weekend, his parents visited, is still one of our sweetest memories of all. We ended up camping out under the stars in the COLD Georgia mountains late that night. And the very first time we ever heard, our son, Jack’s, precious little heart beat, was on Valentine’s Day 2001!  I can’t explain to you how I felt on the day the biggest airplane I had ever seen, FINALLY landed at Campbell Army Airfield, as I watched my hero emerge through those doors after being gone, for what seemed like a lifetime. But I can tell you what day it was...that's right, February 14th, 2004.
Crazy. I know. There weren’t any expensive dinners, nor fancy flowers, No golden boxes of fine chocolate that I so love.

Yet, there haven’t been many days, quite like..those. That I have ever loved or been loved, quite like... that.
( P.S. THIS year, I’m on my own (again); so, if you DO get one of those giant-red-heart-shaped boxes, gimme’ a call! ‘cause I’d LOVE to share it with you!)

​-Jill